Digital Self-Defence: Keeping Kids Safe Online

Joanna Ziobronowicz
Nov 10
4 min read

A systematic review of children under age 10 found that higher screen and media use — not necessarily social media specifically, but broadly digital media — is associated with negative outcomes. These include more behavioural problems, sleep issues, higher depressive symptoms, lower emotional intelligence, and lower academic achievement.*

This research reinforces a crucial point for parents: the digital world has real, measurable effects on young minds. And while technology isn’t inherently “bad,” it’s up to us to guide children toward healthy, balanced usage. Beyond these cognitive and emotional effects, the online world also exposes children to real dangers such as bullying, harassment, grooming, and other forms of exploitation.

I recently attended an international conference on the safety of women and children, led by psychologists, professors, and policy makers. In one of the lectures on Kids in the Cyber Space there was one key takeaway — something every parent should know:

👉 You cannot fully protect your kids from cyberspace. But you can build a strong, safe, and open dialogue with them — one that ensures that if something ever happens online, they will come to you for help.

I also learned what really matters when introducing technology to children, from understanding their brain development to modelling healthy screen habits — so keep reading to discover practical tips you can start using today.

Why Communication Matters More Than Control

Most children and teens who face online threats — whether it’s bullying, grooming, or harassment — hide their pain in silence. They may feel ashamed, scared, or worry that they’ll be punished if they speak up.

Being a good parent is not only about setting rules. It’s about creating an environment where your child can embrace mistakes, share worries, and feel emotionally safe to come to you when something goes wrong.

Ask yourself:

If my child had a problem and wanted to tell me, would they think, “I don’t want to get punished,” or “They’ll be mad, but they’ll help me”?

Avoid punishment for honesty. If a child comes to you with something worrying they saw online, listen and guide — don’t scold.

Explain the reasons behind boundaries. Discuss why rules are in place, not just “because I said so.” When children understand the reason, they’re more likely to follow them.

The difference often comes down to emotional regulation. When parents respond with anger, shouting, or emotional outbursts, children learn to avoid confrontation. But when parents stay calm and consistent — even while setting boundaries — kids are far more likely to open up.

This isn’t about blaming parents who lose their temper (we all do sometimes).

It’s about recognising that how we handle conflict shapes whether our children feel safe turning to us when they need support.

A Disturbing Reality: Online Grooming

One psychologist shared a deeply unsettling statistic:

It takes an average of just 15 minutes to groom a child online.

Grooming or sexual assault can happen at ANY AGE. These are horrifying truths — but ignoring them only increases the risk.

That’s why talking about private boundaries early should never be taboo. Discuss these topics gently, with care, and in age-appropriate ways that empower children to understand and protect their own safety.

Practical Tips to Teach Your Kids

Teach them it’s okay to say “no”.
Help them understand they never have to agree to requests that make them uncomfortable or threaten their personal boundaries.
Model confident responses to bullying or harassment.
Show them examples — verbally and through body language — to stand their ground safely.
Discuss peer pressure.
Explain that they don’t need to follow every trend or do something just because friends or classmates are doing it.
Empower them to report inappropriate behaviour.
Let them know that if anyone — peer, older student, or even a teacher — crosses the line, they can always come to you or another trusted adult for help.

Helping Kids See That Fun Doesn’t Only Live Online

Research continues to show the negative impact of excessive screen time on children’s cognitive and social development. To balance this, parents can introduce offline hobbies and real-world adventures: sports, gardening, arts and crafts, cooking, exploring nature, or other creative projects.

Prevention starts with understanding the brain.

Teach children about how their brains and nervous systems respond to stimulation and pleasure. Explain dopamine, and how screens provide instant rewards — happiness, relief, and excitement — making it hard to disconnect.
Show that the brain will naturally “seek out a screen” if it is under-stimulated, and help them find healthier sources of engagement.

Model healthy habits:

Demonstrate how to handle the temptation of screens. For example, put phones away in a drawer so children see they aren’t used during meals.
Model ways to spend free time and deal with boredom, with fun alternatives like listening to an audiobook, making pancakes together, or gardening.
Provide activities that are enjoyable and fulfilling without starting with a screen.

Zero screens for children under three is the absolute minimum recommended, but many specialists encourage waiting until five or six, and keeping screen time minimal. And adults should model the same behaviour — when spending time with a child, avoid phones to give them your full attention. Even being physically present while looking at a screen reduces emotional availability and weakens bonding.

Building Balance and Trust

Our kids are the most precious gifts we have. They’re growing up in a digital world more connected — and more dangerous — than any generation before.

We can’t shield them from everything online. But by: