Spotting a covert narcissist can help prevent victimisation

Are you a natural empath? Someone who is kind, polite, and always looking out for other people? If you're the type of "good girl," there is a high likelihood that, in the dating world, you may be tricked by the manipulative tactics of a covert narcissist.

Spotting a covert narcissist is crucial to preventing victimisation. We should all learn to recognise narcissistic manipulative behaviour because, when unnoticed, it can cause emotional, psychological, and even physical harm.

Narcissists can hide themselves, pretending to be empathetic and caring. They won't display their narcissistic traits from the start. Instead, they may appear sensitive and shy.

Manipulation tactics used may involve gaslighting (making you believe things that aren't true, denying the truth) or the silent treatment (using silence to punish the other person). Covert narcissists can often appear modest, but deep inside they feel a sense of superiority.

Some red flags to look out for:

1. They pretend to be vulnerable and play the victim role: Covert narcissists may use perceived vulnerability to connect with you. If you’re empathetic, you might find yourself fitting right into their mold. Particularly if you naturally take on a caregiving role, you may find yourself trapped in the role of rescuer, setting the stage for a dangerous cycle of emotional manipulation, as the narcissist will portray himself as the victim.

2. They praise and flatter (at the beginning): During the initial stages of acquaintance, covert narcissists can be very charming, using plenty of compliments and flattery to lure you in. This flattery is designed to create an emotional bond or a sense of emotional indebtedness, making you feel obligated to reciprocate their 'kindness.'

3. They share a lot: Covert narcissists are quick to share personal stories, appearing sensitive and vulnerable from the beginning. This tactic is aimed at making you want to bond, build trust, and become more intimate.

4. They may try to isolate you: In order for you not to share your concerns with your friends or family, covert narcissists may try to manipulate you into spending less time with your loved ones. They may even criticise your close circle, trying to convince you that those people are not worth spending time with—all to control you.

5. They may monitor you: Some covert narcissists will insist on knowing where you are and where you go. In some cases, they may even check your phone, email, etc.

If you fall into the trap of a covert narcissist, it often can lead to isolation, feeling that you are losing your support network, and being reliant on the narcissist for emotional validation. Isolation can further make it difficult to recognise that you're being controlled by your partner, making it easier for him to manipulate you.

If you suspect that you are dealing with a covert narcissist, do not dismiss those rational and intuitive signs picked up on your radar. Even those subtle changes in behaviour and character can cause long-lasting damage to your self-esteem and mental health. It is paramount to protect yourself from it before it's too late. Seek help from your friends and family, and spend more time outside of the relationship to objectively analyse it for what it really is.